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Crazy Button Girl

I think I can post this story here, because there's practically no chance that Crazy Button Girl would be on my LJ friends list.

Anyway, the "crazy button girl" incident happened on Sunday before the 4pm Ken Spivey panel/concert and April, John and I still giggling about it.

We were waiting for the panel on Sunday and we were pretty far back in the line. We knew there was a good possibility that we wouldn’t get in because we were told the room was relatively small. But even so, we stood in line, chatting amongst ourselves. We also had a few interesting conversations with some of the costumed people around us.

At one point, John, April and I were standing in a little huddled group of 3 when a new stranger popped up out of nowhere. We had become familiar with the people around us in line, so we seriously had NO idea where she had come from, she just seemed to ‘materialize’ in our little group of 3. (Which had suddenly become a group of 4.)

In the middle of our conversation she interjected, in a low, conspiratorial, type voice:

CBG: I notice that you all have buttons...

(April, John and I looked at each other. We each had several buttons pinned to the lariats that held our badges.)

Me: Oh!! Yes, we’ve collected quite a few! (I pointed to one of my buttons.) This one is a “S.P.E.W.” badge that someone hand-made and gave to me (I’m kinda proud of it) ... and these are ‘blood donor’ heart pins. I have 5 now; it’s kinda turning into a Zelda “Life meter” type of thing. (Pointing to a new button) and this one is...

CBG: (Jumping in, and still using her conspiratorial voice) No, no, no. I was talking about the blue Ken Spivey button.

April: Oh yeah! We met him on Thursday night and he gave us these...

CBG: (interrupts) So... you must know him pretty well then?

April & Myself:(Slightly confused) Well... um... no. Not really. No.

John: But he seems like a really nice…

CBG: (interrupts) He gave me this button!! (CBG held up her button and pointed to it earnestly.)

(At this point, our little group of 3 began to sense that something is slightly amiss with CBG.)

Us: Ahhh. Yes... Well, that’s nice.

Me: Seems like he gave you a pretty good one too. *cough* (Internally I was laughing at my attempt at awkward humor because I knew that all the buttons were exactly the same.)

CBG: And he gave you buttons too!!

Me: Oh look at that. (I looked down at my blue button) He sure did. (I took a very small and hopefully un- noticeable step away from CBG.)

Me: (Continuing) I think he gave us one last year too when we were standing in line somewhere…

CBG: (Interrupts) HE bought ME a glass of wine!!

Us: (After a brief moment of bewildered silence we managed to stammer) Oh... He did? Well... that was… very nice...

CBG: (interrupting again) But listen. I have a question. If you have a button, it means that you automatically get into this panel right? I think that’s what he told me. I have a button. You have buttons, so we’re all going to get in right? No matter what?

John: Ummm… Unfortunately I don’t think that’s how it works.

CBG: So we won’t get in?!? But… I have a button!

April: Well... you might get in, if the room doesn’t fill up first. (She Motioned to the people around us) But this is a pretty long line.

Me: Yeah, but I don’t think the buttons have anything to do with it. He was just promoting his panel with the buttons. He seemed to be giving away a LOT of them.

(I said last part this very gently because I didn’t want to burst her bubble with the bad news that she hadn’t, in fact, become part of a super- secret “Ken Spivey blue-button, fan-club society”.)

CBG: (She narrowed her eyes) Are you SURE about that?

(April, John, and I looked at each other for the comfort of mutual confusion.)

Us: Yeah,... we’re pretty sure.

CBG: But he gave me this button and told me to wear it to the panel! I assumed that meant that it would get me in, like a pass or something! (She said it like Ken had given her a secret ‘lovers’ signal that she was supposed to show to him at the panel or something.)

Us: Umm…. No.

April: If you look, there are lots of other people in line with buttons too. (We point to a few others with buttons ahead of us in line.) It’s possible they won’t get in either. We won’t know till we get closer to the room.

CBG: Umm... Oh. Okay. You’re sure?

Us: (Nodding sagely) Yes.

CBG: (Sadly) Ok.

At this point, CBG sadly wandered off, we assume, to get back to her place in line. She seemed to be about 30 people behind us. (I might have made a “coo-coo!” swirl motion with my hand after she had walked away.)

But about 25 minutes later, the line had moved, we had forgotten about CBG, and we were about 15 people away from the door when someone came out an announced that the room was closed. There was an audible “Awwww!!” from the people who were still in line. Then lady who made the announcement added that the line would have to disperse because the Fire Marshall wouldn’t let us hang out by the door.

As April, John and I stepped out of line and began to leave, we heard a feminine voice from somewhere behind us yell “BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO HAVE BUTTONS!??!? “
I seriously hate my printer. It's an HP Officejet Pro 8500, and I'm about to go all 'office space' on it. "PC LOAD LETTER??? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???"

Except in my case, this stupid printer has to do 'warm up' calisthenics Every. Freaking. Time. I need to print something! I literally have to wait 3 to 5 minutes before the damn thing will print anything out! And it's doing all it's biddley-bob-farty-around checks to make sure it's ready to print.

Print Master: "Blue cartridge! Are you ready?!"
Blue cartridge: "SIR, YES SIR!"
Print Master: "Ok, let me see you move left to right over this area, where the blank piece of paper will be when you actually need to do your job, which will be soon. As soon as the cartridge checks are complete."
Blue cartridge: "SIR,YES SIR!" -/jiggles about in a seeming random pattern for a few seconds. "REQUESTED TASK COMPLETE SIR!"
Print Master: "Good Job blue cartridge!"
Blue cartridge: "THANK YOU SIR!"

Print Master: Red Cartridge! Are you ready?!?
Red cartridge: "SIR, YES SIR!"
Print Master: "Cartridge, it is now YOUR turn to show your potential ready-ness by demonstrating a test run through your paces! GO! GO! GO!!!"
Red cartridge: "SIR, YES SIR!"

... And this repeats for yellow and black....
... And JUST when you think it's FINALLY done...

Print Master: "PAPER CARTRIDGE!! Are you ready?!?"
Paper cartridge: "SIR,YES SIR!" /warning beep "WAIT! NO SIR!"
Print Master: "WHAT?"
/All the other cartridges stare at the paper cartridge in abject horror. They immediately loose their settings all over the carpet.
Paper cartridge: "SIR,...THERE SEEMS TO BE A JAM SIR!"
Print Master: "YOU have 30 SECONDS to get that jam FIXED Cartridge!!"
Paper cartridge: "UMMmmm SIR? IT SEEMS WE REQUIRE OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE FOR THIS TASK SIR! ... IT CAN NOT BE COMPLETED AS YOU HAVE REQUESTED.... SIR."
Print Master: "What TYPE of assistance CARTRIDGE??"
Paper cartridge: THE ‘ALMIGHTY HAND’ SIR. Ummm... WE DO NOT HAVE THE... uhh... ABILITY... TO PRESS THE "CANCEL BUTTON" SIR."
Print Master: "(Censored, /censored, /censored, /censored.) PAPER CARTRIDGE!!! Now we have to put the WHOLE warm up on HOLD until the Almighty Hand presses the button. At which time we will RE-START our warm up checks from the beginning! BLUE CARTRIDGE!! Get your butt in gear and stand ready for your warm-up check as soon as the ‘Almighty Hand’ does its thing!
Blue cartridge: "SIR, YES SIR!"


I seriously hate this printer. Seriously.

Stupid Conversation of the Day....

Friend: I feel like I'm on the bottom of a shit sandwich...
Me: Hmmm.. Well, you should flip that sandwich upside down then.
Friend: What??
Me: Well... you flip it over, and it'll still be a shit sandwich, but at least you'll be on the top.
Friend: Oh.

THE END.

Fun at work....

I said the crudest thing at work today, totally unintentionally of course… (Apparently that's my M.O.)

So, there wasn’t a lot going on at work today and we were sitting around watching DVD’s or reading, or surfing the net. At one point my boss announced "Oh guys! Did you see this news article in the news today about the 80 year old man in Navarre??" Of course we hadn’t so she read the story to us. Apparently an elderly man visited a park restroom that was known for its special nature of having a glory hole. (The news article actually used the term glory hole several times.) The man exposed himself to a park ranger and was arrested. As he was being arrested, he tried to talk the ranger into letting him go by explaining that he was going through a divorce and then by offering to do free landscaping around his house. At the end of the article, there were several reader comments that my boss read to us. One person wrote "Who gets a divorce at 80? Wouldn’t you rather spend your money on a funeral than give it to lawyers?" Another person wrote "Who would let an 80 year old man to do landscaping around their house?"

We were all laughing a lot over the reader comments when my boss remarked "Yeah! He wasn’t hanging out at the park restroom being a dirty old man, he was just doing some landscaping in the stall!" After which I said, "Heheheh! Yeah, he was just fixing up the place! He was in the stall when he noticed a big hole that wasn’t supposed to be there, so he was just plastering the wall!"

Then there was an awkward pause in the conversation as all my co-workers gawked at me in dead silence with their mouths open. When I noticed their reactions, I quickly said "No! Nonono!! That’s not what I meant!! That’s so horrible!! That came out wrong!!" Then one of my co-workers quickly interjected "That’s what he said!"… and everyone completely lost it. We were all dying laughing, but I was still a little embarrassed because I really didn’t mean for my comment to be that crude, so I continued to try to explain. I said "No, no no… really! I didn’t mean it that way for real! I just meant that he was in the stall doing a little handiwork!"

At this point there was another pause before my co-workers burst out laughing again, but this time they were crying because they were laughing so hard.

So I just gave up trying to explain and I put my head down on my desk to keep from digging myself in any further…

I love my co-workers!! Lol!!!

Sep. 28th, 2010

It’s been waaaay too long since I’ve built anything.

As a self-professed ‘Do-it-yourselfer’, I must admit that I haven’t done much of it myself lately. I’ve done stuff like install the odd shelf here and there, turned a room into a closet, made a shelf thing to go on the cart thing to hold the projector thing…

Disbanded Toaster isn’t just a fancy, super cool moniker, it was a way of life for me as a kid. I had my own ‘sonic screwdriver’ back then too. It wasn’t the cool Doctor Who kind though. (I didn’t even know that Doctor Who existed. Blasphemy!) To my parents the phrase, "D’toaster has a sonic screwdriver!" meant that if I were left in a room alone with something mechanical, it’d be in pieces all over the floor in less than five minutes.

Sonic baby! Good times, good times.

I quickly learned that taking something apart was easy. Putting it back together... correctly... was the tricky part. I’ll never forget the challenge of the Holly Hobby Sewing Machine. That was a battle that I lost. Go-Karts and Scooters, rotary phones and 8-track-players, no problem. But that stupid sewing machine. Grrrrr!

ANYWAY, I spent a lot of time tinkering. And I’m proud to say I made some kick-ass motorized dioramas in elementary school. (I wonder whatever happened to those things? I wish I had taken pictures. /sad face.)

BUT, I’m really excited about building "The Most Useless Machine" that I found in 'Make' magazine.
(It's ridiculous, but I don't care. I love it.)

I’ve ordered all the little bits and parts and they’re on their way. I’ve got to scrounge a box, some wire and some soldering equipment, but soon... very soon... (Rubs hands together maniacally) the creation will begin!

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
(I can’t wait! **Woot!**)
((I’ll be sure to post pictures!))

A good hot-spot recipe for pets.

If you have a dog with a “hot spot” on its back, here’s something that I’ve found that seems to work. In fact, it’s worked well enough that I feel it’s worth sharing. This is the second time I’ve used this recipe, and it’s been successful both times. It also works on any itchy, dry skin spots they might have. It only has two ingredients, Coconut Oil and MSM powder. Both ingredients are edible. (I also use a cod liver oil supplement, but more on that later.)

I start with 100% natural, food grade, Coconut oil. I found an 8 oz jar of it at the health food store for around $7.) Coconut oil is good to soften then skin, and helps hair re-grow. I suspect it also helps to stop the itch, because it coats the dry itchy skin with a protective barrier.

Then I mix the coconut oil with equal parts of MSM powder. (Methylsulphonylmethane – also known as ‘Sulfur power’. It’s also known as ‘Flowers of Sulfur’.) I found it at the same health food store for about $13 for 8 ounces. The label says it’s commonly used to help connective tissue and help promote healthy cartilage.

I’ll make several ounces at once and keep it in a Tupperware container in cool dry place. A container with a wide lid is good, so that I can reach into the container and scoop it out with my fingers. I’ll rub the mixture all over the hotspot two or three times a day (as needed) and the dogs seem to love it. They like to lick it, but that’s fine since its all edible.

I think it’s worth mentioning that I also began supplementing my dog’s diet with a cod liver oil capsule in their morning and evening food. (I’d cut open the capsule and drizzle it over the kibble.) That might have helped the hot spots too, I don’t know exactly what the ‘magic bullet’ is, but a combination of the cod liver oil and the hot-spot mixture really seems to work well.

I developed this recipe for a dog I had who had gone completely bald from his shoulder blades to his rump. We had tried everything for him with no success. (Stores, vets, pills, everything!) But finally, after a lot of research into the products that are available in stores and old 'tried and true' farmer wisdom, I hit on this remedy that seems to work. Within a few months, his hair had re-grown and he was back to normal. (Hooray!) Right now we have a new puppy who has been constantly scratching, even after a flea bath, an application of Frontline, and Benedryl allergy pills three times a day. Nothing seemed to help him! Poor guy! A few days ago, I started him on the ‘hot-spot’ mix and cod liver oil supplement and it seems to be helping him a lot too. He’s not scratching nearly as much. Double Hooray!!

So there ya go. That’s how I helped my poor little itchy doggies! If you use this on your pet, let me know how it works for you! =o)

Hmmmm.

I don't post enough.
That is all.
1. Enter bathroom and prepare to take care of bathroom business.
2. Unbutton and unzip.
3. As you do this, notice a smallish, black-oval shape on the floor.
4. Assume the back shape is a harmless wad of fuzz. (You have been sewing after all there are wads of black fuzz everywhere.)
5. Position self to ‘commence business’ with your pants around knees.
6. Realize that the black wad of fuzz has attached itself to your sock.
7. Become conscious of the fact that the black wad of fuzz is not really a black wad of fuzz at all.
“More!”Collapse )

What's with the Moth Balls?

Maybe someone out there can solve a mystery for me…

A short while ago when I worked as a GED instructor, I was required to go into peoples homes and tutor them one-on-one for an hour, once a month. The job required me to go into some scary, sometimes hostile places. I had to visit a lot of project housing, and lots of places far back in the woods where sane people would fear to tread. Often, when visiting these places I would be affronted by the very strong smell of moth balls. Sometimes it would come from my student’s apartments, and sometimes it would filter over to their place from the apartments next door. Sometimes the smell would hit me as I was walking through the parking lot to get to an apartment. A few times my students would come into class (they had to come into the college for regular classes 4 days a week) and they would reek of it. Often their children (they had to have at least one child to be in the program) would have severe asthma and need frequent breathing treatments. A few times the smell actually burned my nose and eyes and I had to leave my students houses.

This weekend I was talking with a friend about her new job. She works with another government program that helps families pay their bills (once a year) if they have a great need. She mentioned noticing the moth ball smell as well.

My question, what is with the moth ball smell? Is that something to do with Meth production? Is it some sort of cover smell? Do I have any friends out there who know what’s going on with the extensive use of Mothballs in the projects? Even though I’m not at that job anymore, I’m still curious to know!

Soon and very soon....

I'm almost back....

Soon now... very soon... I'll be done with my Master's program and I'll have time to start posting again! Two or three more projects, and I'm done with the bulk of this semester. Then I have one more class to take for a few weeks this summer and I am DONE. I. Can. Not. WAIT!!!

I can't wait to have a weekend when I don't have to worry about assignments and deadlines.

All in all, I've been going to school now since about... 2005 when I began my Bachelors. I never intended to start immediately on my Masters, but when I graduated, there was that darn hiring freeze and I had to do something. So since about 2005, with a few weekend breaks in-between semesters, I've been all about classes, homework, papers, projects, and deadlines.

But soon... I'll have my weekends back again. I won't know what to do with myself!
I can't wait!!!!!!

=o) =o) =o)

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